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About Nightmara

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  1. Hey all! Sorry if I necro this old topic but I feel I left bunch of great people hanging. Life is going well nowadays. I smoke a lot less now
  2. Solistek has this new electric bulb 400-1000w versions. It's got better spectrum than their double ended and this will for sure give u 1.5g/w in a room.. GREAT spectrum
  3. Could anyone send seeds? Preferably something that helps with depression? I dont feel anxiety and I prefer oldschool sativas.. Sorry if it's forbidden to ask! BTW I found new hobby! electric guitar! fucking love it! finally my life has something.. been also thinking about starting to work as electrician
  4. Haha yes thank you all for your great replies and help
  5. 10grams of Mckennai gave me some insight yesterday. Tried to apply work but they keep spitting on me. Wish I had an idea for own company. I will just stack money and try to get into NL university or something and roll to psychotherapy .. Thanks for all the help guys great points. Just wish I was interested in something so I could actually study with passion. Every time I think about my future this heavy as fuck apathy lands on my shoulders :/ Lets try to make a song maybe it'll make me feel better. The thing about school too is scaring me because I've smoked and idled over 10years already so I don't know if I can get my ass in line. And I would migrate so I could get away from my bad habits. All my friends are brainless users I can't understand how I've drifted to such posse
  6. In these parts there are no cbd treatments and if you tell you've used anything recreational you're junkie forever and you won't even get Tramal or oxy when your back's gone. Health care is same. So many people have health issues that they give phone hours so nurses who then consult higher ppl.In-treatment is zero and and patients are fucking ghosts in the system. I'm really intellectual person and I can rationalize about everything but different is how I can manage those problems and no talking with some people I probably hate (hate almost everyone nowadays because they don't care and they run their own useless lifes like brainless sheeps I know it's sick but can't help it) Empathy is a virtue that some has, for 10seconds and then they say something fucked up like they really mean it like "fuck you' straight after being understanding. I really need to get out of this place this isn't for me. I took those tests and I got psychotherapy as a result and I'm interested in trying but I'm skeptical because I know I can't be completely honest and I've been 'fooling' myself since I was a a teenager.. New start at new place would be the thing for me. No internet addiction, no drug addiction, sports, proper friends, no criminal relatives.. One thing that is driving me forward even tho I'm workless is that I can get money (can't say how here) so I can get myself a proper 2x600w roo mand start rocking them goddamn oldschool sativas and when that happens I'm sure I will get my life will back! Lets all keep the fingers crossed it won't be a fast project it's hard to be poor.. If you need pure cbd i can be pmd what does that mean? Yes I am trying to find a help but no one seems to understand me..
  7. Problem is around here you need a license for everything. Just can't start doing anything. I would dearly install electrics to grow ops and hang with proper folks but I have to pair up with rednecks who talk about alcohol and icehockey and how life sucks and I have nothing in common with them. I'm so far from work now that I doubt that I will ever manage to get back into business..It's the finnish laws that keep me in this fucking grave. I plan to go to school but I'm not nece┬┤ssarily sure if the whole building industry is my thing at all. My focus keeps shifting all the time and I feel like an animal most of time. I've been thinking myself very balanced person but now i'm broken as fuck can't really decide anything about my life and everything feels so empty and useless.. Therapy might be the way but I don't want to admit drug abuse to doctors because if I do they will treat me like a second grade human for the rest of my life and I won't get even panacod anymore because I'm a junkie and I have fucked up my life This is how our country rolls.. Only thing I'm glad is that I get money from doing nothing but it's starting to eat my soul and soon I will turn to 'the bad' road if you know what I mean and then it'll be the end soon and I didn't think it'd al end like that. I like to read alot I've studied alot of different things my problem is I know too much about everything but nothing really interests me and I just float. Maybe extreme spots could be my thing... Not meant to give you any bad feels but needed to break a little heart. Worst thing is that it's same every day. Edit: Been trying to get jobs from another places such as bars but since I've been se alone in my head people don't seem to like me.. Hope Maastricht university would accept me I would turn my life upwards so bad.
  8. Aounrd here it's hard to start small businesses because big corporates fuck them up and they pay huge taxes. It's real unfair. People who can't make it in the ferris wheel are losers and that's it. I'm heading into more artistic ways because atleast then I would probably like what I do and get some of the self respect back. gonna start checking work abroad but with my CV people think I'm lazy or stupid because there is so much empty but around here there just is no jobs available. Atleast abroad I would feel something else than this absolute boredom and anger. I'm fast learner and when I start something I finish it but why is it so fucking hard for a proper guy like me to find job. Can't even get a girlfriend last time I had girlfriend was 10years ago believe or dont.. Been thinking seriously rolling information technologies because it really starts to feel that it's the only thing that interests me but my focus likes to jump around so really don't know. Now I took a therapeutic dosage of Mckennai lets see if I can think of something. Thank you again for your kind words
  9. I've been acting as cannabis angel for years but I never get anything back that's why I'm so butthurt.. Now I'm starting to do it all just for myself and one friend who is atleast half decent and my family. And I am extremely lazy to start doing things and as I've been alone with my 'hobby' so long it's hard to connect with real world anymore. I'll be buying Stratocaster soon and trying to find smart woman but this feeling that I can't talk anyone about my feelings mostly because they are criminal related is eating me inside.. I have strong 'psyche' but too much is too much. Around here nonemployment rate is higher than anywhere else especcially on young people and we are really lost everyone. Not a good place to live. That's why I've decided to take matters in my own hands and start training guitar, maybe Python, growing weed again, keeping myself busy because I tend to overthink alot more then necessary and it causes me miserable. Most annoying this is that I had friends who understoodme but nowadays they feel like they don't even give a fuck even I haven't done anything to them. Well sometimes life is like this relations move but now it's just hard.. Yes good tips I try to be thankful but sometimes people make it so damn hard.
  10. Oh and btw if anyone can offer me any kinda work in Europe I will come. I hate my life here in scandinavia. I'ma electrician but It could be anything from hydroshop to plantase... I'm working man but apparently bad at finding jobs in real life.. Sorry if I said same times few times had to eat Xanor felt so sad about many things...
  11. No I really like strains such as Silver haze, Barrie my main man arrived so I'ma give him some mails! LOVE! his genetics he should deserve place in the Shop. Every (hundreds ppl) said his Sillver haze x Blueshaze was best smoke they ever had and I must agree. Anyways I'm open to ideas for my grow setup. I found out tents are INSANELY expensive like WTF! I want 1,5x1,5x2,2m tent and it'd be about 500e(600dollars almost) and 2x solistek 600w so it'd be almost 2k euro lol.. Could anyone give me tips where to get cheeapest tents and I will prolly build flood and drain so I can grow Barries insane sativas : ) Might actually go all out and start taking clones and rule. In real life friends are being assholes and I'm feeling really depressed about everything so nedd to go all out on this hobby that I love so much hope nothing gets in my way (budget is the biggest worry) and my location ad my project is really not so legal but I'm at the point where there's no turning back. Main problem is also that I have only cash (whoops) and I need to buy gear locally so can't get them cheap deals Is mapito still best flood and drain medium or could I just stack big rockwools? What kinda crates should I get? I love nft gt100 it's 200e (pretty expensive I know but building f&d adds up quite a sum too) Wish I could just migrate out of this fucking corrupt shithole where people are so arrogant and work for some multibillionaire corporarities without any human value and waste their lives material bullshit and healthcare is like a joke even it's the only thing that matters in this new continuosluy adaptative world .This rat race isn't for me. It might have been once but my teenage decisions made me what I am not saying I'm happy but I can make the best of it. I'm so fucking sad that I can't even get to school university :/ Stay safe and have great day all!
  12. Nightmara


  13. I've decided to roll back here.Forum kinda died a while back and people started disappearing.It's not indicans fault he is great guy sometimes he talks a bit harsh but it's internet babies and he's doing the gods work and everyoen else here just probably needed to take a break just like me so this forum is still THE FORUM! Keep up the good work! Been smoking even I needed a break for my depression and existentialism crisis.Been smoking for so long and since I have absolutely nothing else in this life I couldn't resist for more than 3 weeks but atleast I know that i'm not 'addicted' to it. I just like it and because I dont have anything else.. Floating around. So I'm at the square one looking my way out and I guess it'll be the usual urban farmer job. Thing is I need oldschool sativa genetics preferably feminized because I'm gonna rock nft 100 or flood and drain but I'm on low budgette so decided to ask if you honeys could throw me some oldschool sativa ( can't smoke indica with my current mindset I become depressed as hell but atleast now I know my problems and the problem is that I don't have energy/balls to what it takes to get out of the hole I've digged for me.) Will have to start slowly again like a rehabilitating patient lol Life ain't easy when you're so young and have already lived fullest for 15 or so years. Now I'm only smoking and sometimes beer but never getting drunk. Those days are over. I'm still under 30 I need to get my mind together and need to start visioning future but that's the thing I'm worst at. I can make a plan and I feel like sticking for 2 whole days and then the good ol' nihilistic approach hits me Tl;dr plz give oldschool satties preferably FEM because I'm poor and can't pay for so many seeds and can't run organics now. Been thinking 1,5x1,5x,2,2 growtent with 1000w or if I don't have enough money will have to stick with 1,2 and 600w. Great to be back, Hope you will have me Been lurking and everything's looking good : ) -smoking some badass kush, nothing like to sannies' crop-
  14. Hey I suffer from depression(and laziness i guess lol) and have been smoking all my adult life (26 now) but now relatives are saying stuff like cannabis is showing it's negative effects on me and I can see them myself such as I really can't decide what I should start to study or even do I'm just wasting my life away and I feel too good for the shit jobs that would give me time to think about what i want, have electrician papers(worst decisions in my life) that i got last year but don't feel like I can do those kind of jobs because of my theoretical mind. I even went to career psychologist and all the signs were on the 'intellectual side' and math skills supported university but the thing is I don't have too good papers from high school because I had huge attitude problems back then and girls,weed and shrooms were more on my list so even getting into schools is very hard for me now and now I'm really struggling if I should quit cannabis and try to see what life'll bring but I already tried it and I lasted 4 days and started feeling so depressed about my wasted years and current situation that I had to vape a bowl and instantly the whole day was fine again. I always heard such bad things about SSRI medication but if that is how I would feel without using cannabis I'm sure I would have to try them then. It also could be just the withdrawal symptoms that made me feel so depressed but I really don't have anything going on in this life so I guess I have reason to be a bit depressed I know cannabis can cause depression but I have always since the teenage days felt like it's medicine for it but not sure if it's the other way around nowadays. I'm at the point where I have to ask you guys since I feel like nobody else understands it better should I quit for good or at least until I can make the decisions needed so I don't just throw my whole life away like my father did who is an alcoholic and haven't been around ever or should I just keep my good old pal cannabis with me and try to force something somehow am I just too lazy or is it the cannabis?Well I guess the electricity school was forcing it and I'm afraid of making the same mistake again rolling into something i don't like afterall. I have very few skills but nothing i'm too interested in the problem is just that I kinda like them all just as much and feel everything is bland somehow but with this level of escapism i'm at im not sure if I can make those decisions ever with cannabis around and achieve them. I don't even feel like dating anymore because i'm such an asshole for wasting these years high sitting on the couch. Do you think I should get professional help and admit i've been using it as medication and tell my whole story or how should I change my situation because I really can't see it myself. I hope somehow someone can relate and help me forward because I really don't know anymore. Well I have acquired some shrooms but somehow it seems so ironic to try to solve the problem with them so haven't tried it yet.
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