I haven't been this depressed since my sophomore slump in college 15 years ago. I got laid off mid-May from my oilfield job, and was ecstatic - finally a chance to do something I love. The reality soon set in that I should probably get another oilfield job, although use the motivation from being laid off to really pursue something else. An opportunity came up for a small manufacturing company close by (for oilfield pumps), and I was a perfect fit. The recruiter found me. Completed 2 interviews, was all set, and then... silence. The market conditions kept stalling, and then got worse (here in PA/OH/WV area). Supposedly that job is still on-hold, and I've got a chance to have it, but it's been almost 3 months and it just feels like it'll never come.
Hoping for that job took the wind out of my job-search sails. I wanted to give my wife a break and took the two boys (now 4 and nearly 2) to my parents for 10 days. The last day I was chasing my older one around the house in socks and slippers - "faster dad, faster!" I complied, only to lose my slipper on a turn right before planting my foot, and slipping and slamming into the corner of a wall. Of course I hadn't gotten my COBRA health insurance, because that job was right around the corner! 8 weeks later, and it still hurts, though not as bad. My self-diagnosis was a partial tear of one of the ligaments on the first metatarsal joint (the outside of my right foot big toe's main joint). Didn't help that 2 days ago the neighbors kid and I both weren't looking when we were outside playing with the kids, and he ran that foot over with the new powerwheels we got the boys.
I miss you guys, I miss the days in the oilfield where I was making money but could sit and read everyone's posts. I feel paralyzed by the kids - feeling guilty for not helping take care of them enough because I need to look for a job, but then being unproductive in my job search.
And I started playing the stock market, with options. I had been foolin' around for a few years, making a bit, losing a bit. Things were going swimmingly a few weeks ago, I was up 8 grand. And then I decided to short tesla, although I'd sworn never to mess with that irrational stock. I cashed everything out yesterday, down 22 thousand - options don't give you the opportunity to sit around and wait for things to come back your way, the leveraged returns come with the risk of expiration dates. That's most of my savings, although I've got a healthy 100k in my 401k in the worst case scenario. Obviously I've got friends and family to help if I needed it before I even dipped into that, but no one knows of this disastrous financial loss except one friend. I've learned my lesson, but boy is it painful, and so embarrassing. I feel like a fool.
Worst of all, I just don't know what to do. I have SO many skills. I'm good at math, science, inter-personal skills, the last few years I learned some sales. I'm an excel pro. Obviously you know I love gardening, and my veggies this year were tremendous. I made 23 jars of salsa, and I've got about 10 x 20lb candy roaster squashes (finally grew those babies after 3 years in the fridge). Each one can make about 4 pumpkin-esque pies. We can't eat all the cherry tomatoes anymore, they're coming too fast. 11 jars of dill pickles. The peppers aren't doing as well this year, except maybe the serrano tampiqueno's, that's gonna be a bumper crop.
I keep cycling between ideas of what to pursue in life. Another oilfield job -> start a pierogi business -> find a shitty job in the cannabis industry just to break in and work my way up -> start an upscale/wooden grow-closet selling business -> go back to school for something/anything -> keep pursuing my knowledge of the markets/economics -> get an oilfield job, thats where I've got 8 years of experience! And so on.
I want to do something that creates value. I have a new friend who is also relatively new to the area we are in SW PA, and he's got a lot of tools to help me build another grow closet, new and improved version 2.0! We should be getting started on that soon. Can you guys believe I just smoked the last of the kief of the last of my grows from a couple years ago. I'm happy it lasted that long, and that was only the 10%-ish that I kept. At the end here, I was even smoking the trim.
Can you guys help? I find myself crying from time to time when I'm alone, and it just makes me feel even worse, like I'm pathetic. How do I know what to choose, to dive into, and put my efforts behind?