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Nightmara

Hi all I'm back. Worse than ever :D

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I've decided to roll back here.Forum kinda died a while back and people started disappearing.It's not indicans fault he is great guy sometimes he talks a bit harsh but it's internet babies and he's doing the gods work and everyoen else here just probably needed to take a break just like me so this forum is still THE FORUM! :) Keep up the good work!

Been smoking even I needed a break for my depression and existentialism crisis.Been smoking for so long and since I have absolutely nothing else in this life I couldn't resist for more than 3 weeks but atleast I know that i'm not 'addicted' to it. I just like it and because I dont have anything else.. Floating around.

So I'm at the square one looking my way out and I guess it'll be the usual urban farmer job. Thing is I need oldschool sativa genetics preferably feminized because I'm gonna rock nft 100 or flood and drain but I'm on low budgette so decided to ask if you honeys could throw me some oldschool sativa ( can't smoke indica with my current mindset I become depressed as hell but atleast now I know my problems and the problem is that I don't have energy/balls to what it takes to get out of the hole I've digged for me.) Will have to start slowly again like a rehabilitating patient lol :D Life ain't easy when you're so young and have already lived fullest for 15 or so years. Now I'm only smoking and sometimes beer but never getting drunk. Those days are over. I'm still under 30 I need to get my mind together and need to start visioning future but that's the thing I'm worst at. I can make a plan and I feel like sticking for 2 whole days and then the good ol' nihilistic approach hits me :D

Tl;dr plz give oldschool satties :D preferably FEM because I'm poor and can't pay for so many seeds and can't run organics now.

Been thinking 1,5x1,5x,2,2 growtent with 1000w or if I don't have enough money will have to stick with 1,2 and 600w.

 

Great to be back, Hope you will have me :) Been lurking and everything's looking good : ) -smoking some badass kush, nothing like to sannies' crop-

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Welcome back.

 

Some people are more about drama and others are more about sharing knowledge, experience and information. Pick your poison and what things are they are and what they are not, they are not and no gimmick can alter that perception to the intelligent..

 

I hope you find the genetics you are looking for. What you describe is more a true sativa, this will take a long time to grow. Most sativa offerings are hybrids as to shorten the flowering time and workings to tame the genetic for indoor growth among other reasons. I do not have a good appreciation for growing them as the length of flowering time was always too long but a good sativa is special for a reason. Generically can get more trippy and such.

 

Understand the environment for growing sativas as well, very important that few understand and fewer who appreciate. Think tropical but stay out of mold environmental ranges.

 

Best of luck and I hope you find what your looking for!

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You might search out CBD as well as sativa, combining the two gives you a nice lifting energy.

 

I am growing a few sativas but they are a bit different, the Durban I have not grown out yet, getting ready to sex her.

 

Green crack grows more like an indica with tight nugs, not as long grow time as many others.

 

I also have one that has no ceiling and if you happen to get anxiety it is very fleeting, Pandora's Box. she grows a lot like an indica, with out the large spacing and dense nugs. goes 9 weeks. I like to make the concentrates such as tinctures with her, less likely to send someone into an anxiety attack.

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No I really like strains such as Silver haze, Barrie my main man arrived so I'ma give him some mails! LOVE! his genetics he should deserve place in the Shop. Every (hundreds ppl) said his Sillver haze x Blueshaze was best smoke they ever had and I must agree.

 

Anyways I'm open to ideas for my grow setup. I found out tents are INSANELY expensive like WTF! I want 1,5x1,5x2,2m tent and it'd be about 500e(600dollars almost) and 2x solistek 600w so it'd be almost 2k euro lol.. Could anyone give me tips where to get cheeapest tents and I will prolly build flood and drain so I can grow Barries insane sativas : ) Might actually go all out and start taking clones and rule.

 

In real life friends are being assholes and I'm feeling really depressed about everything so nedd to go all out on this hobby that I love so much hope nothing gets in my way (budget is the biggest worry) and my location ad my project is really not so legal but I'm at the point where there's no turning back.

 

Main problem is also that I have only cash (whoops) and I need to buy gear locally so can't get them cheap deals :P Is mapito still best flood and drain medium or could I just stack big rockwools? What kinda crates should I get? I love nft gt100 it's 200e (pretty expensive I know but building f&d adds up quite a sum too)

 

Wish I could just migrate out of this fucking corrupt shithole where people are so arrogant and work for some multibillionaire corporarities without any human value and waste their lives material bullshit and healthcare is like a joke even it's the only thing that matters in this new continuosluy adaptative world .This rat race isn't for me. It might have been once but my teenage decisions made me what I am not saying I'm happy but I can make the best of it. I'm so fucking sad that I can't even get to school university :/

 

Stay safe and have great day all!

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Hey Nightmara, if you're depressed, like growing pot, and have no money, well, you're in perfect company!... :D

 

The best way to escape that type of depression and anxiety is to be somewhere like you are right now. Sorry to hear about your peeps who are supposed to be friends.

 

Best thing I can say in quick form is to lower your expectations of people and life, and don't let your current circumstances dictate your life. Find ways to help someone in need, and not expect anything from it. It will start to set you free. Always try and treat others the same way you would like to be treated. Drop, anger issues. We can't change things out of our control. Work on having a thankful heart, in ALL circumstances.

 

Don't let others dictate your life. Go out on a limb. Take a leap of faith. Get your own inner strength back in sync. Be thankful in ALL situations. Things happen for a reason.

 

I wish you well bro! This place helps me. Just having calm interaction with folks not worried about your looks or life circumstances. They all still talk with me, here.

 

Give yourself a break, bro. You can't change others. You can make yourself better, though. Have a thankful heart in EVERYTHING.

 

peAce

 

mrG

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Oh and btw if anyone can offer me any kinda work in Europe I will come. I hate my life here in scandinavia. :) I'ma electrician but It could be anything from hydroshop to plantase... I'm working man but apparently bad at finding jobs in real life..

 

Sorry if I said same times few times had to eat Xanor felt so sad about many things...

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I've been acting as cannabis angel for years but I never get anything back that's why I'm so butthurt.. Now I'm starting to do it all just for myself and one friend who is atleast half decent and my family.

 

And I am extremely lazy to start doing things and as I've been alone with my 'hobby' so long it's hard to connect with real world anymore. I'll be buying Stratocaster soon and trying to find smart woman but this feeling that I can't talk anyone about my feelings mostly because they are criminal related is eating me inside.. I have strong 'psyche' but too much is too much. Around here nonemployment rate is higher than anywhere else especcially on young people and we are really lost everyone. Not a good place to live. That's why I've decided to take matters in my own hands and start training guitar, maybe Python, growing weed again, keeping myself busy because I tend to overthink alot more then necessary and it causes me miserable. Most annoying this is that I had friends who understoodme but nowadays they feel like they don't even give a fuck even I haven't done anything to them. Well sometimes life is like this relations move but now it's just hard..

 

Yes good tips I try to be thankful but sometimes people make it so damn hard.

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I am disabled and can not work outside of the home, I was stuck in a very bad situation and had to find a way to bring in money. I started an antique business from home and sold over the net, it kept my head above water.

 

Perhaps you could do consulting electrician jobs, or start a home based business?

 

I think the best thing is to talk these things out, then decide what you need to change to make your life better, it is easy to get stuck in a negative thought pattern, hard to get out of it. Start working on approaches to change things, so you feel like you have control again.

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Aounrd here it's hard to start small businesses because big corporates fuck them up and they pay huge taxes. It's real unfair. People who can't make it in the ferris wheel are losers and that's it. I'm heading into more artistic ways because atleast then I would probably like what I do and get some of the self respect back.

gonna start checking work abroad but with my CV people think I'm lazy or stupid because there is so much empty but around here there just is no jobs available. Atleast abroad I would feel something else than this absolute boredom and anger. I'm fast learner and when I start something I finish it but why is it so fucking hard for a proper guy like me to find job. Can't even get a girlfriend last time I had girlfriend was 10years ago believe or dont..

Been thinking seriously rolling information technologies because it really starts to feel that it's the only thing that interests me but my focus likes to jump around so really don't know. Now I took a therapeutic dosage of Mckennai lets see if I can think of something. Thank you again for your kind words :)

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In the USA electricians don't feel a lack of self respect. It's actually a cool profession. Sorry about the situation you are in. As far as cannabis and depression, try and find a pure cbd source. It can replace your need for bud and provide you with some great anti anxiety and energy. Might help to get over the hump so to speak.

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Start designing and installing grow rooms. The electrical is the part most don't like to mess with. You can make a littlw money on the side, as well as get your name out there for additional electrical business. Before you know it, you have a full time job. Not sure on licensing and such on that side of the ocean, maybe worth considering.

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Can you go further in the trade? Around here you can find grants or other assistance to get higher certifications ect... if you have an established skill.

 

Also can you find a professional mental health councilor or doctor? It can be more help then you might think. Even if you end up saying FU to them. It sounds weird but just having someone listen out loud can be huge.

 

If you were in my neck of the world, I'd pick you up for a bone cruise and a coffee. If you're an artist, do what you have to to create.

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Hey Nightmara, I hear you talking about wanting to move. Maybe you can find a country town somewhere in your country and go and relax. You'll be surprised at how bad they need skilled people as young people all want to leave for the bright lights of the city.

 

I just took a leap of faith and moved to a place I had no friends or family other than a few cool people I met when I visited a few times to see about doing it. I was flat broke. But its a great town, easy and cheap to live in, and if you have skills, everyone loves you. it's been the best change of my life. The town has 8000 people. And, I can still be in a big city in 3 hours and smaller ones in 1.5 to 2.

 

It's something to think about and would be a lot less to chew off at once. That way you will still be fairly close to friends that you'll want to go and see again sometime.

 

My life was really going bad, and I couldn't help myself for all of my complaining and negativity. My friends and family all stopped talking to me like before and I could understand things, and it made it worse.

 

It was me. I had to do... ANYTHING to make some sort of change happen. I wanted to go to a legal state. That helped and is only 8 hours from where i used to live. So, now I'm around like minded people. Everybody smokes.

 

My point, it is, I found a place I liked for the nature, and luckily it has legal weed, and it is small and relaxing, and cheap and easy to live in. Since I've been happy now, when I go back to visit, everyone wants to be around me again. One friend actually told me this.

 

I didn't even know if I was doing the right thing, but I had to something. I came here with no money and slept in my truck for 4 months. But, I was so happy. Lots of fun people, all broke, too. A lake and river with fishing. Lots of wildlife. No crowds of people. No traffic lights, well only 5, I think, ha.

 

My other goal was to turn everything around 180 degrees. Instead of focusing on what I didn't have and couldn't seem to get where I was at, no mattered how hard I tried, I decided to start volunteering and just in general helping others with no expectation of of anything for it. I was able to help a few people who could use it, and it helped me meet more people. I found myself enjoying the fact that I helped someone, when in fact I was probably much worse off, and it started making me feel much better.

 

No matter if I can't figure out my own life, I'm trying to offer myself up for others when I can, while I try and find myself again. It keeps me from concentrating on what's bad, and what I don't have. People will begin to see you different as well. It snowballs from there.

 

It's just a thought and an idea of what has helped me. My problem is it took me to age 62 to finally figure this out. Let the rest go, think of others first (with no expectations), and your cup will start to become filled again. Trust me here. If you're on rock bottom, go find others that are too. Find a town where the previous industry moved out a while ago but the town is still in a nice area... Find someplace where they want and need other people. There are always places that are like that. People always need help. No town wants to stay depressed, so if you can find a cool little place that is trying to re-invent itself, in your region, go there and visit a time or two. I slept in my truck or camped every time I did this.

 

Maybe you'll find a cool place. If you find your place, a place that interests you, not for the money, you'll dig it, and when you go back to visit, you will be seen as much more interesting, and as confident enough to take a leap of faith.

 

This may be all stoned rambling, but I hope not. It may be the wrong time on your life for something like this right now, but you get the point. Shake it up, but don't blame others for losing interest in you. It's time for you to re-find parts of yourself again.

 

Have fun bro! Go online and look at maps. I checked out cost of living on los of little towns. I finally found one that was actually looking for people to come move here and try to make it into an art town or something to re-invent it. Coal started the town and when it left the town died. Now it's all bustling again. Pretty cool. I got lucky, too. Or... just finally submitted.. and karma swept me up... who knows? I'm still broke and barely getting by, but my mental state is bliss. And, I feel there is more hope here. There are things I can do that don't require money. It's a small town and it all happens in and around town. No suburbs, ha. Kind of like going back in time, but its a progressive population.

 

Better go smoke pot and eat some dinner.

 

You'll get there bro. Hang out here and talk to everyone. Ask them about there shit. Just be yourself, and the stress and negativity will slide away.

 

Peace bro.

 

mrG

 

Sorry for the stoned philosophy and psychiatry .... no charge, bro.

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Problem is around here you need a license for everything. Just can't start doing anything. I would dearly install electrics to grow ops and hang with proper folks but I have to pair up with rednecks who talk about alcohol and icehockey and how life sucks and I have nothing in common with them. I'm so far from work now that I doubt that I will ever manage to get back into business..It's the finnish laws that keep me in this fucking grave. I plan to go to school but I'm not nece´ssarily sure if the whole building industry is my thing at all. My focus keeps shifting all the time and I feel like an animal most of time. I've been thinking myself very balanced person but now i'm broken as fuck can't really decide anything about my life and everything feels so empty and useless.. Therapy might be the way but I don't want to admit drug abuse to doctors because if I do they will treat me like a second grade human for the rest of my life and I won't get even panacod anymore because I'm a junkie and I have fucked up my life :) This is how our country rolls..

Only thing I'm glad is that I get money from doing nothing but it's starting to eat my soul and soon I will turn to 'the bad' road if you know what I mean and then it'll be the end soon and I didn't think it'd al end like that. I like to read alot I've studied alot of different things my problem is I know too much about everything but nothing really interests me and I just float. Maybe extreme spots could be my thing... Not meant to give you any bad feels but needed to break a little heart. Worst thing is that it's same every day.

 

Edit: Been trying to get jobs from another places such as bars but since I've been se alone in my head people don't seem to like me.. Hope Maastricht university would accept me I would turn my life upwards so bad.

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As someone who has been through and will alway have mental health problems, I can tell you you need to start treating these issues as very real health concerns. I'm not sure where the nearest health center is from you, but they can begin to help. As far as doctors thinking you're a junkie, just leave that part out even if it means lying. I know it sounds counter intuitive, but it's more about making sure you feel like you are empowered and in charge.

 

If you reach a level of trust you can spill those beans. Councilors / psych docs are used to stuff like that and aren't trying to make you feel like a criminal. They may try to say that cannabis isn't helping, but you yourself have said this. If you think cannabis is helping, make a reasonable case. Be careful but have faith.

 

If you need pure cbd i can be pmd

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In these parts there are no cbd treatments and if you tell you've used anything recreational you're junkie forever and you won't even get Tramal or oxy when your back's gone. Health care is same. So many people have health issues that they give phone hours so nurses who then consult higher ppl.In-treatment is zero and and patients are fucking ghosts in the system. I'm really intellectual person and I can rationalize about everything but different is how I can manage those problems and no talking with some people I probably hate (hate almost everyone nowadays because they don't care and they run their own useless lifes like brainless sheeps I know it's sick but can't help it) Empathy is a virtue that some has, for 10seconds and then they say something fucked up like they really mean it like "fuck you' straight after being understanding. I really need to get out of this place this isn't for me. I took those tests and I got psychotherapy as a result and I'm interested in trying but I'm skeptical because I know I can't be completely honest and I've been 'fooling' myself since I was a a teenager..

New start at new place would be the thing for me. No internet addiction, no drug addiction, sports, proper friends, no criminal relatives..

 

One thing that is driving me forward even tho I'm workless is that I can get money (can't say how here) so I can get myself a proper 2x600w roo mand start rocking them goddamn oldschool sativas and when that happens I'm sure I will get my life will back! Lets all keep the fingers crossed it won't be a fast project it's hard to be poor..

 

If you need pure cbd i can be pmd what does that mean? Yes I am trying to find a help but no one seems to understand me..

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Start designing and installing grow rooms. The electrical is the part most don't like to mess with. You can make a littlw money on the side, as well as get your name out there for additional electrical business. Before you know it, you have a full time job. Not sure on licensing and such on that side of the ocean, maybe worth considering.

Great idea, which would work in an honest world, but the government in Holland is very keen on making it impossible for people to be independent. Installing grow rooms here is way too hot and while we could make enough money to supply for our families they forbid it and force you to buy weed for extreme prices at coffee shops. Weed that might be sprayed with Vertimec in the last week against spider-mites. For which you work at their companies for minimum wages. You cannot blame people who are constantly are peed on by their government to want to move to a better place. Let us help build that cannabis tolerant country, there is enough for all of us.

 

@ Douglas, smoking CBD is also what i strongly recommend to those with scared of hight (which i have been too). For the simple reason that telling people to stop smoking weed hasn't helped for a million years and will never help. And CBD is also very good to treat tobacco addiction.

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I took those tests and I got psychotherapy as a result and I'm interested in trying but I'm skeptical because I know I can't be completely honest and I've been 'fooling' myself since I was a a teenager..

New start at new place would be the thing for me. No internet addiction, no drug addiction, sports, proper friends, no criminal relatives..

 

According to my experience, the most important thing is to be honest with yourself. Stop your life for a moment and think with your cold head. Do I have a problem? Can I solve it by myself? Could I need external help?

 

You may think, it's has nonsense, that they are only words, that this doesn't solve any of your problems, but it's only the first step...

 

Starting a new life in a new place where you can feel good about yourself is a great idea, but your problems will not disappear, because they lives inside you, in your head and they will sooner or later return. This is my humble and painful experience.

 

Greetings SiCKNeSs.

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