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Gorilla Mike

Review: “Speedee Trim”

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I just noticed, they got me up here as a "Beginning Grower". Hell! I've been growing without ever getting caught for almost 30 years now!

How they came up with that Tag beats me (off)! Oh well, let's get down to some "Binnez" with a review!

It’s August 18, 2018 and I love it when the numbers in the date are the same. To me its a sign of good luck! And up here in north western BC with forest fires raging all around us, we need all the luck we can get! Couple of weeks ago we had to do an emergency evacuation of all our greenhouses and moved thousands of our plants into our winter mine shaft for protection. We even dismantled every one of our greenhouses and stashed the works in our old gold mine shaft until next spring. We got a giant bio-diesel generator the size of a Hundyi for power and a pure spring water stream right inside the mine so we’re all set and our plants will continue on as if nothing ever happened! All we’re worried about is our wind turbines and solar panels. We’ve managed to squeeze by every summer with the forest fires here without them coming too close to our operation, but this summer everything might get fried to a crisp! Oh well, we’ve got our shit together and are budgeted for disasters like this. So when the fire was at its worst, and creeping ever closer to our grow, we decided to take a break and go down to the latest Portland MJ Tradeshow for some R&R.

While perusing all the cool and not so cool new gadgets and products at the show I thought the only thing missing here was our beautiful all-organic Buds on display...and sale! With our name plastered all over our booth for customers to remember. We’re not hurting for sales but the only thing about being an underground grower without a license from Health Canada: you can’t show off your wares...even in the States! We saw most of the big trimming machine companies I’ve been reviewing here and this time I saw a new one called the “Speedee Trim Trimmer.” This is a perfect example of how Americans can get away with bullshitting right through every part of their advertising: the Speedee Trim is the last thing from being “speedy”! Obviously I didn’t buy one. The only fast thing about the “Speedy” is that its faster than hand-trimming. But not by far. So this review is just to warn hobby growers about “junk” like this. If you’re a hobby grower with only a few plants, and growing just for yourself, this is the last thing you need!

When I first started out growing my own I only had four plants. Why even bother trimming them Buds? The sugar leaves left on my little harvest just made for a better smoke! The fan leaves I’d just pick off gradually in the last days of bloom and smoke ‘em after they were dry instead of tobacco. That’s how I was able to quite smoking toxic tobacco! When I got just a little bigger and was growing eight plants at a time, that’s when I wished there was a faster way to hand-trim. The Speedee Trim would have been great then, cause I was starting to grow so much surplus my good friends started begging me to sell it and that’s when I went “commercial” on a tiny scale! That was just a few years before the first auto-trimmer came out.

Now looking back, and from what I now know about harvesting, I’m glad I did what I did and the way I did it. I sold my Buds with the sugar leaves still on them and nobody complained. I actually got compliments instead! By the time I was growing 50 plants at a time, the first auto-trimmers came out but they seemed too big for my needs. I didn’t like hand-trimming because of how handling the Buds to trim them, the nice sticky resin wore off on my figures and I hated wasting it so I’d suck it off my fingers! By the time I got finished I was as HIGH as a kite! They say the trichomes don’t have any effect “raw” but that’s not true! Your own body heat is enough to activate the THC! At least mine was anyway. And the Speedee Trim isn’t gonna solve this “problem”. Because its hand-held like a barber’s trimmer, you still gotta touch the Buds and waste all those trichomes.

Now that I’m harvesting over 5000 plants per harvest we use 5 Tom’s Tumble Trimmers the best auto-trimmer out there cause nothing sticks to a Tom’s. It gently trims Bud by tumbling it in a patented food/medical grade mesh material. The dried Buds trim each other by bumping all the dried leaves off as they tumble which get collected at the bottom and we use that trim and kief for hash. These TTT2600’s are real honkers and can perfectly trim 60lbs an hour without any maintenance or cleaning. What a time saver! But for you hobby growers turning commercial and need to speed your trimming up, Tom’s has a “Table Top” small version that does the all the great things his big ones that we use do. So if you’re getting up to that point of growing over 20 plants to grow a small commercial operation, you might wanna try them. They’re way faster then the hand-held Speedee and they trim 1-3lbs in about 5 minutes and the Speedee could never keep up to that! I just stood there at the trade show looking at that thing, shaking my head, thinking of how trying to trim 60lbs worth of Bud would gum up those little blades on the Speedee like nothing! You’d have to stop every half hour just to clean off all the wasted resin.

I can think of one great use for the Speedee. If you’re a dispensary owner and like to “Showcase” your “designer” Buds in display glass containers it would be great to perfectly trim those few that came in needing touch ups. So even though the Speedee looks like it quality-made little hand-held machine, I still would not recommend it unless you’ve got a specific targeted use for it. And please don’t buy it for a bikini line trimmer or you’d end up looking like you just stepped out of a Friday the 13th sequel!

Edited by Gorilla Mike
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