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Gorilla Mike

Review: Zoom Pro Trimmers ( Buck Shuck & Trim)

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When we got back home after the Portland Marijuana Trade show last weekend, we found our homes and operation BURN FREE! Luckily, our solar panels and wind turbines hadn’t been touched by flames and the fire didn’t even get close enough to even melt anything. We mounted them originally on the bald face of our mountain for that reason and it really paid off this time! They were pumping electricity into our mine shaft grow 24/7 and our generator never had to kick in once! Our grower neighbours farther down in the valley got decimated. A wicked forest fire like the one we had strips trees of their foliage like a bucking machine strips our marijuana plants of their Buds.

At the trade show it was funny overhearing a lot of newbies and people who sounded like they had never even grown one MJ plant in their lives get mixed up in their heads about what all the trimming machines on display at the trade show could and could not do. These newbies thought you could stick a whole plant into a trimming machine and it would strip the plants stalk and stems of leaves and Buds like a forest fire...without destroying anything important of course! So they thought the huge price tags on these machines were fair.

Finally, I just had to laugh at one couple standing next to me who were talking just like this while we were looking at a new trimmer called the, “Zoom Pro”. Its not exactly new but was new to us as we’d never heard of it before. It cost over $20, 000 with taxes! This naive couple was saying shit like, “Oh, it must be worth it if it does everything—bucks the Buds off stems and stalks and then trims the Buds.” That’s when I piped up and let them in on the bad news: Bucking and trimming are too different stages in the harvest and no one machine can do both. You should have seen their faces! They immediately changed their tune and started ragging on about what a rip off that Zoom trimmer was! And I of course agreed with them and told them our trimming machine only costs a fraction of the Zoom at under 3 grand and that, “we use a separate machine called the, ‘Munch Machine’ for our bucking—the stage where you gotta take all the Buds off the plant.” I told them that, at the end of the day, any trimming machine can only achieve one thing: trimming the Buds of their leaves. It’s a matter of quality difference how these trimming machines compare in how well they do that without stripping the Buds of their natural shape and all the trichomes and resins that go to waste with it. You should have really seen their faces then! The husband asked me, “So what kind of a trimming machine do you use?”

“A Tom’s Tumble Trimmer”, I told him. “It’s way better than this monstrosity. It trims 60lbs an hour dry compared to this Zoom Pro which claims to dry trim only 45lbs an hour! “Plus”, I said, “the price tag on this thing reads $18, 990 while our Tom’s 2600 only set us back $2900 before taxes. Which would you rather buy?” The guy said, “Well, where is the Tom’s here?” I told him Tom’s wasn’t at this trade show. He must sell so many of his machines he doesn’t need to advertise much, but you can look him up on your phone right now. “Holy shit!” the guy and his wife said, “This Tom’s 2600 looks so simple there’s no way it could trim 60lbs an hour compared to the Zoom.” His wife added, “The Zoom looks like a rocket ship engine and should do a better, way faster job of trimming.”

“That’s why its good to compare prices,” I said. “We have 5000 plants to trim every harvest and we love our Tom’s so much, we got 5.”

“Five?”

“That’s right, and at only around a little over $3000 grand with taxes, our Tom’s Tumble Trimmers never break down, need zero cleaning and the only maintenance we need to do after every harvest is spray some hemp oil on the zippers!”

The guy just looked at his wife, shook his head and said, “This Zoom Pro has blades and looks like it would tear the shit out the Buds and need a ton of maintenance and replacement parts like a fancy sports car.”

“Exactly, and the killer thing about Tom’s is that we’ve had ours for 4, going on five years now and they’re still running like brand new—cause there’s no fancy moving parts to break down—the only moving part on our Tom’s is the motor that spins the tumbling trimming drum.”

So you guys, in the case of the Zoom Pro, the old saying that says, “you get what you pay for” couldn’t be the furthest thing from the truth. I didn’t even think about buying one these just to test it. Just looking at it and whopping big price tag, made me think its a nightmare headache waiting to happen.

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